You apologized, took responsibility, and felt the conversation went well. But weeks later, your work is still being double-checked. Someone now asks for confirmation they never needed before. You are not included as early in decisions anymore.
It can seem like your apology did not matter much, even though you were sincere.
The other person might believe you are sorry but still feel unsure about what they can count on you for. They accepted your explanation, but now they want to see how you handle things when a new challenge comes up.
What would help them feel comfortable relying on you again?
Give them something specific to rely on
Wharton researchers studied how trust can be rebuilt in a lab setting. They found that consistent trustworthy actions helped restore trust, and making promises to change sped up recovery. The apology itself did not help much, though the researchers noted that the way it was worded might have made a difference.
In a work relationship, the key question is what you are promising to do after you apologize.
Saying “I’ll keep you informed” can leave the other person unsure if they need to follow up. If you agree to let them know about any delay as soon as you find out, it sets a clearer expectation.
Pick a promise you know you can keep, even when things get tough. If you make a big promise just to reassure someone and then cannot follow through, it can hurt the relationship even more.
Be honest about what damaged the trust
Missing a deadline and hiding a delay cause different worries. If you miss a deadline, people might doubt your reliability. If you hide a delay, they might also doubt if your updates are honest.
The Wharton study found that if someone was dishonest, trust took longer to recover and never fully returned, even after they acted reliably again. This does not mean every situation will be the same, but it shows why better performance might not fix all concerns.
If you kept information back, admit it openly. Doing a good job on your next task does not show how you will handle future problems. If you share an issue right away, while there is still time to act, you give the other person new proof they can trust you.
You may find the additional scrutiny frustrating. Asking someone to stop checking before they feel ready is unlikely to help.
Make progress visible
In Stanford’s discussion of reputation and trust, lecturer Allison Kluger emphasizes consistency and transparency. The practical implication is clear: the other person needs a way to see whether your commitments are being kept.
Decide together what updates would be helpful. A short progress report might be enough, since constant reassurance can end up being a burden.
Set a time to review how the arrangement is working. That gives you both a chance for discussion whether the extra oversight is still needed, without expecting trust to return by a particular date.
Agree on the follow-through
After you apologize, write down a few clear points:
- What will change: The behavior or working practice you are committing to.
- How they will know: The update or result they can check.
- When you will review it: A chance to discuss progress and remaining concerns.
- How you will handle a setback: When you will tell them and what you will do next.
Keep the agreement proportionate to what happened. You are giving someone a reason to rely on you again, and room to decide when they can.
Source:
https://www.gsb.stanford.edu/insights/communicating-multiple-selves-how-manage-your-reputation